The GBBO Final Was an Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcome to the Eater round-up of Great British Bake Off 2019’s final, as Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith, Sandi Toksvig, and Noel Fielding return to the tent for the final episode of this year’s GBBO.

Cake week kicked off GBBO 2019; episode 2 tackled biscuits; bread week brought in tear-and-share loaves, baps, and a lot of scoring; and dairy week was all about crying over spilt milk. Episode 5 inadvertently summoned Cthulhu for 1920s/Retro/Great Gatsby/What Even Is This Theme Week, and dessert week was all bombe and no bombshell. Henry told Paul to shut up on Festival Week; Henry went home on Pastry Week, and then Patisserie Week rung in the GBBO semi-final. Here it is: the final.

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00:00: It’s here. The final curtain. The last showstopper. The ultimate technical. Bad film titles, all. Excitement all around.

Wait.

Uhhh.

Ouch.

00:00: Intro watch: Noel has been fired out of a cannon. Intro watch II: a flashback guide to each contestant. Alice: Chaotic Evil. Steph: Lawful Good. David: Lawful Neutral.

01:00: It’s chocolate cake time. Steph points out what bad chocolate cake is: brown sponge. David goes for prunes in armagnac. Alice goes for pears. Steph goes for cherries.

05:19: Family montage time! Steph remembers how she ran a brilliant athletics race then fell at the final hurdle. NO METAPHORS PLEASE.

06:29: David reveals that his prior obsession with vegetables in cakes — squash, parsnip — comes from his mum. Paul’s doing his looming thing in the tent. It’s getting tired.

09:28: David keeps talking about armagnac, having had a history of overdoing flavours throughout. It has a kick! This is just armagnac! Maybe less armagnac???

17:21: Signature challenge tiers

• Good balance tier: Steph
• Not enough chocolate tier: Alice
• Too much armagnac tier: David

23:47: Some weird statue gag occurs pre-technical. Twice-baked stilton souffles. Pretty brutal really.

25:12: Steph has chosen to fill the her souffles to the top and use cold water in her bain marie. For the favourite, unfortunately, there are two Foolhardy Manoeuvres That Will Likely Backfire As Soon as They Are Mentioned of the Week.

29:40: And lo, they have. It’s impossible not to feel for Steph given how strong she has been throughout. Perhaps putting it all on one episode is ... Not right?

33:41: Technical challenge tiers

• It worked tier: David
• Mediocre tier: Alice
• Foolhardy Manoeuvres That Will Likely Backfire As Soon as They Are Mentioned of the Week tier: Steph

39:12: David’s making fig rolls that look like sausage rolls, summoning Jamie to the tent. Alice’s parents are meant to be coming but might not make it. Steph is going for macaron strawberries and a Chicken Burger Cake.

43:17: Everyone wants to know who has won, so here is a semi-accurate summation of the showstopper production: burger-stress-macaron-stress-cheese-calm-nougatine-nougatine-oh-god-the-nougatine-oh-good-the-nougatine-oh-GOD-the-nougatine-macaron-macaron-make-macaron-bake-macaron-remake-macaron-rebake-spray-paint-emboss-pork-pie-bread-scotch-egg-bread-strawberry-macaron.

45:59: Showstopper challenge tiers

• Exceptional tier: David
• Successful illusion tier: Alice
• Not her day tier: Steph
• Trying to be consoling but coming off terribly tier: Paul

Judging tweet:

Judgey tweet:

Judgment tweet:

Winner: David

Book deals: Steph, Alice

Running theme: Putting a three month show on one episode is bad, actually!