A Bake Off Contestant Told Paul Hollywood to Shut Up and the World Applauded

Welcome to the Eater round-up of Great British Bake Off 2019, as Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith, Sandi Toksvig, and Noel Fielding return to the tent for the 10th series of cakes, puddings, breads, and inevitable recourse to terrible baking puns.

Cake week kicked off GBBO 2019; episode 2 tackled biscuits; bread week brought in tear-and-share loaves, baps, and a lot of scoring; and dairy week was all about crying over spilt milk. Episode 5 inadvertently summoned Cthulhu for 1920s/Retro/Great Gatsby/What Even Is This Theme Week, and dessert week was all bombe and no bombshell. Here, now, is festival week, the theme at which Paul Hollywood et al finally threw in the dishcloth, and on which a contestant told him where to stick it.

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00:00: After last week’s solid, definitely baking related theme, Bake Off leans back into a sort of free play with ‘Festival Week.’ Beyond the similarities between icing sugar and a certain other white powder associated with festivals... Festival Bakes and Baking? What Will They Bake? Will They Bake Things?? Let’s Find Out!

Last week, there was some kind of dessert game in which songs are transformed with baking puns, there’s no possible way they’d do that ag—

01:00: Straight in with the embarrassing music festival intro. Emotions are still raw, perhaps this wasn’t the right time for such a theme:

01:50: “Each bun must tell a story.” That’s what the bakers are working with: festival buns; yeasted dough; just related to a festival really. Prue Leith, repping white people everywhere, pleads for the hot cross bun.

02:42: Steph, reigning star baker, is going for hot cross buns; so too are Michael and Alice. Alice’s have blueberries; Michael is mixing Christmas with Easter. A sort of celebration of the circle of life, specifically Jesus’s life. Michael is putting 1:2 ratio of fruit to flour in his buns. This sounds like an early contender for Foolhardy Manoeuvre That Will Likely Backfire As Soon As It Is Mentioned Of The Week — and, indeed, Michael admits his buns came out “like bricks” in practice. Nonetheless, he persisted.

04:19: David is doing Bulgarian kozunak; Henry is doing kardemummabullar — chocolate added. Noel Fielding describes Henry as lord of the buns. He, of course, has never been to a festival.

06:22: Rosie is doing lakiaspullar, a Finnish festival bun. Paul is struggling to avoid making Kneady Sleazy Wheezes — it has to be said that he’s done pretty well to keep them at a minimum all series. Elsewhere, a Spooky Bake Off Tie Dream:

11:12: Henry drops some unbelievable tekkers. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, sign him up. Michael’s buns have cracked because of the fruit ratio and a lack of proving. Foolhardy Manoeuvre That Will Likely Backfire As Soon As It Is Mentioned Of The Week returns with a vengeance. Some views:

17:00: Signature challenge tiers

• Nice buns tier: David, Steph, Henry
• Irregular buns: Alice
• Great in a shop window but squat tier: Rosie
• Foolhardy Manoeuvre That Will Likely Backfire As Soon As It Is Mentioned Of The Week: Michael

17:00: Henry tells Paul to shut up. The world applauds. Twitter is ablaze. It’s a moment.

Moving on.

21:40: The technical is from Paul: “perfect textures inside and out.” It’s Sicilian cassatelle.

22:39: Alice: “stiff, pliable, what does it mean?” Henry: “No-one ever thought, I need to sieve some cheese.”

27:29: The pasta machines are out. Rolling ensues. Struggles ensue. Rosie wants to burn things? Michael thinks that a circular piece of dough folded on itself in a fryer is a taco. Honestly it’s a festival of clusterfuck. Henry continues to be incredibly precious, according to Twitter. As for the politics of the tent:

Extremely weird flex but ok.

33:20: Technical challenge tiers

• Cassatelle tier: Rosie
• Casanearly tier: Henry, Steph, David
• Sea creature tier: Alice, Michael

39:12: It’s Kek Lapis, the Sarawak celebratory cake, so cue the “imagine Battenberg but with more layers!!” Westernisation. Michael is turning it into a Jamaican flag (?), which, sure. Nothing can go wrong here, just like when he collided Christmas with Easter and it went badly [checks notes] 30 minutes ago. Here are some explanatory notes:

44:17: David is making cakes to represent the two judges: Prue bright colours; Paul monochrome death. Checks out. It’s also going to be a sculpture: reminder that the internet hates ambition:

46:00: It’s grill time. David burnt his first layers. Steph is weighing hers. One of these has been star baker three times. Guess who! Rosie also suffers burning. Henry compares losing a layer to losing a leg (?) in the trenches (???????!!!!!!!!)

48:19: Look, fair enough, these are damn impressive cakes.

51:01: Showstopper challenge tiers

• Probably star baker again tier: Steph
• Neat and sweet tier: Alice
• Shut up tier: Henry
• Neat not sweet tier: David
• Messy and therefore festival appropriate tier: Rosie
• Stodgy, claggy tier: Michael

Judging tweet:

Judgey tweet:

Judgment tweet:

Star baker: Henry

Going home: Michael

Running theme: Henry telling Paul Hollywood to shut up.