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Welcome back to Insta Stories, a column examining the London restaurant scene through the often-problematic medium of Instagram. This week’s filter is a perfect Christmas party gift.
News of the week
(Extremely Slade voice) SO HERE IT IS, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Extremely not Slade voice) Well, hang on now. It is literally 20 November. Even though any party seeking to ban any form of Christmas celebration before the month of December deserves to win an instant and overwhelming parliamentary majority, people can’t seem to help themselves. Sandwiches! Turkey curries! Disgusting novelty cheeses! How in the hell is London going to sustain — or, heaven forfend, build on — this level of excitement for another five weeks?
Seasonally appropriate festivity of the week
In a just world, 21 November — Beaujolais Nouveau release day — would be met with at least half the enthusiasm generated by a certain Christian knees-up a month or so later. Drinking is just as socially sanctioned, plus there’s none of the grinding pressure to pretend to like terrible presents or tolerate distant relatives’ politics. Santé!
Seasonally appropriate delicacy of the week
AND ANOTHER THING: Why get prematurely hyped about Christmas food — universally terrible — when one of the culinary world’s bona fide god tier ingredients, the white truffle, is coming into its own? As the nights draw in and the temperatures plummet, this is precisely the time of year to be cracking open a bottle of something special and getting some prime-grade tuber in. Let it snow, indeed.
Concerning recipes of the week
Sliced canned cranberry? Liquorice pudding? Meat-za?
Redemption of the week
Phew, all is right in the world again.
Campaign of the week
People with an established Instagram profile using it to raise up other lesser-known users, rather than monetising it and / or seeking to grow it even further? It’ll never catch on.
Symbolic vegetable of the week
Brexit and Brussels Brexit sprouts: loathed by young people everywhere.
Kumite of the week
Just a few days left to enter one of the year’s most singular competitions.
Winter warmers of the week
Just leaving these here for anyone with chilly extremities.
Double act of the week
Actually a fairly satisfying meal.
Dish of the week
Correct amount of salad here.
Shot of the week
The only acceptable use of chestnuts roasting on an open fire for the next fortnight.