A new vegan restaurant called Kiss My Grass opened yesterday (8 April 2019) just off the North End Road in Fulham.
An opening announcement said, “Unlike other vegan places that are popping up all over London, we don’t try to copy traditional meaty/cheesy dishes but have designed our menu so that each dish focuses on one particular vegetable and really highlights how tasty it is.”
There is no shortage of hubris from the owners who have chosen to communicate the aim of this project with an extraordinary range of puns.
Here they are:
- “See you later limp lettuce,
- “stuff you tofu...
- “and as for meaty copycats, they can fork right off at the latest plant-based eatery to open in south-west London.”
- “Kiss My Grass doesn’t believe you have to replicate traditional meaty dishes or use protein substitutes to create delicious vegan dishes.
- “Instead, the all-day plant-based café proudly places vegetables at the centre of each dish, instead of their usual side bitch position.” Woah.
- The website’s “about” page instructs “meaty copycats (we’re looking at you pulled jackfruit and nut roasts) to “kiss my grass.”
Both “herbivores and carnivores alike” are welcome at Kiss My Grass. Indeed, they are invited to “sink their teeth into some of the café’s most delicious dishes.” Everyone is encouraged to “live life on the veg.”
Dish names also like puns.
- Going Back to Cauli — “An Anaheim pepper packed with oven-roasted cauliflower, green lentils and tomatoes on a bed of cauliflower puree with pomegranate seeds, Chinese cabbage and a sunflower seed slaw”
“Sunflower seed slaw” — nutty.
- Gnocchi on heaven’s door — “Freshly made crispy corn gnocchi with pan-fried exotic mushrooms and cherry tomatoes in a herbed green sauce”
“exotic mushrooms”; “herbed green sauce”.
- Auber-genius — “Oven-roasted baby aubergine with garlic and ginger. Served with bulgur wheat, pumpkin seeds, and pan-fried veg. Topped with croutons and a creamy avocado sauce”
Unspecified “pan-fried veg” at a restaurant that wants to put vegetables front-and-centre is a move.
- Don’t want no spuds – Sweet corn and potato fritters with pan-fried baby gem lettuce. Drizzled with soy sauce and sweet Masala soya yoghurt dressing
“Masala soya yoghurt dressing” — plant-based bingo, assuming the yoghurt is vegan.
This restaurant is for real.