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Conservative MP Needs Two Ovens to Bake One Cake

That’s only 50 percent of his ovens, and the cake is four years old

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James Brokenshire is a Conservative MP with four ovens
Broken politics
James Brokenshire/Twitter

Conservative MP, keen baker, and nominative determinist James Brokenshire has caused a stir online after an interview with the Sunday Times and a weird Daily Mail kitchen vanity profile revealed that he has four (4) ovens at his south east London home. The interview describes the arrangement as a practical extravagance: “The only extravagance is typically practical: two double-ovens and two dishwashers.” “I hate it when, come Christmas, there’s not enough room in the oven,” Cathy [Brokenshire, wife of James Brokenshire] says.

Not since the U.K. press dubbed Ed Miliband Ed ‘Two Kitchens’ Miliband for having two kitchens in his home has a culinary arrangement come in for such online scrutiny. The plausible explanation for both cases is the process necessary for keeping a household kosher — where it is possible, separate ovens, dishwashers, and other appliances are advised.

Brokenshire’s role at the heart of fixing Britain’s housing crisis can’t have helped the initial response. The MP leaned into the clamour earlier this afternoon with a pretty strong tweet and, it must be said, a half-decent looking Victoria sponge, that is four years old, but made the fatal mistake of using a #twoovens hashtag, only fuelling the responses. Nonetheless, a source in the Daily Mirror report sought to clarify “that he did not have four ovens, simply ‘two, normal double ovens.’”

Here, now, a selection of the finest ripostes to the MP with four ovens.

From important details...

...and other important details... excellent puns...

...and fascinating speculation.

From stating the obvious... philosophical musings...

...and straightforward mathematics... political point-scoring...

...and compelling conspiracy theories... predictably bad takes...

...and a pitch.

From alternative career paths...

...and other curious questions..., finally, SamuelThomas92.

More soon.