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Starbucks Introduces Three Iced Pumpkin Spice Drinks While Autumn Slowly Dies

Pumpkin spice latte season returns on 5 September

The original, hot pumpkin spice latte, for when Autumn was discernible by colder temperatures
Starbucks [Official Photo]

The iced pumpkin spice latte is a harbinger of death

Starbucks U.K. has announced that the pumpkin spice latte will return on 5 September, as the only seasonal drink to inspire an entire pop culture discourse comes around with all the inevitability of autumn. This year, three iced pumpkin drinks will join the fun: an iced pumpkin spice latte; a pumpkin spice frappuccino; and — holds breath — an iced pumpkin spice cold foam macchiato.

The drink is a sure sign of how seasons bow to capitalism in the USA, with its release date impinging ever further on summer; it’s also now ubiquitous to the point that hating on it is, frankly, a giant waste of time. It’s no longer a harbinger of the basic; or of shitty sexist assumptions about women based on the idea of being basic; or of concerns around the ability of money to corrupt everything into infinitely reproducible merchandise. No, with its autumnal iconography, cosy, orange-hued spices, and warming glow, the pumpkin spice latte is a hot seasonal drink. In turn, the iced pumpkin spice latte is the harbinger of seasons’ death and environmental ruin. Happy drinking!

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