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Welcome back to Insta Stories, a column examining the London restaurant scene through the often-problematic medium of Instagram. This week’s filter is a full Nelson.
News of the week
Q: Is Valentine’s Day a charming opportunity for restaurants to get a little creative? A soulless suck of a money-grab sponsored by the heart-shape industrial complex? The one day a year explicitly dedicated to the concept of romantic love — whatever that means — and therefore worth celebrating in a way that suits each individual — whatever that means? Retrograde and a bit naff but worth an affectionate skewering? The one day a year in conjunction with which the phrase “an affectionate skewering” should probably not be deployed? Good? Bad? Fun? Sad?
A: Yes.
Welcome return of the week
If only there were a mythical beast whose symbolic, triumphant resurrection from its own ashes could be used as a metaphor for the resurgence of Mayfair icon Gymkhana, which temporarily closed following a devastating fire last year, like a Gymkhana from the flames.
Carb load of the week
Tired: Ram-Don
Wired: Rav-gnoc-pap-pic-tag-olini
Golden ratio of the week
Advice to prospective restaurateurs: Ensure that at least 25 percent of your dishes feature at least one fried component.
Depressing Finding Nemo spinoff of the week
RIP, Gill. May death give you the escape you spent your life pursuing.
Cronenbergian body horror of the week
Who wore it most distressingly?
Liberal hand of the week
Potatoes £1
Cheese £3
Plate £2
Black truffle £300
Hot dog £5
Someone who is good at the economy help me budget this. My profit / loss account is dying.
Tribute of the week
As the food/wine/music/art quarterly Noble Rot has been demonstrating for years now, there is a huge area of overlap between cooking and other forms of creative expression. So perhaps it’s unsurprising to see some of the London restaurant scene’s leading polymaths pay tribute to Andrew Weatherall, who passed away this week at what feels like an unfairly young age. Although surely the only conceivable way to truly honour his legacy is with a Gastronomic Plentyfications-inspired 23-course tasting menu, with a Screama-delica pumpkin bonus dish?
Tekkers of the week
Always toss the salad with the fingers.
Battleground of the week
Historians will no doubt record how the Fancy Sandwich Wars of 2019 spilled over into a host of internecine squabbles in the 2020s — much as the Second World War’s apparent resolution in fact led to half a century’s worth of regional conflicts. And it looks like London has its first frontier: let the battle for the city’s most outrageous fried chicken sandwich begin!
Contender of the week
Although, if really wanting to play in the fried item big leagues, Scotland is where it’s at.
Optical illusion of the week
Important: not radicchio.
Dish of the week
Not sure it gets better than this lot.
Shot of the week
It’s a Romanesc-ode!