What if condiments, but frozen?
Sichuan chilli oil might be a winning counterpoint to vanilla ice cream, and a deeply aged balsamic vinegar might give strawberry sorbet an agrodolce pep. Savoury ice cream — from Michelin-starred libraries of gastronomy to seaside scoopers — is also far from new. But Heinz has decided: no, the condiments do not go on the ice cream. They are the ice cream. At a cost of £15, ingredients not included.
Well that’s a lie, one ingredient is included: the branded one, of course! A bottle of ketchup, salad cream, barbecue sauce, mayonnaise, or saucy sauce, which, for the uninitiated, is the Boaty McBoatface of condiments. It’s also known as Mayochup. The rest of the £15 goes on a pinstriped tub ready to receive its dairy frankencreation, two (2) utensils — a scoop and a spoon, golden, engraved, fancy — and the pinstriped box that all of those things come in.
The base of the ice cream that Heinz recommends is made with cream, condensed milk, and milk — requiring no cooking, which is fair, given it’s not giving budding ice cream makers any of those things. It’s also provided a recipe, for free, online, which, given that the Heinz sauces are sold at the shops that stock those ingredients, is an interestingly self-defeating move. Maybe saucy sauce, the rarest of the breeds, is worth the extra spend. Or maybe two bottles of ketchup and mayonnaise cost less than £15.
Ultimately, one must ask themselves this: how much does one want or need a deckchair tub and golden spoon?