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What the ‘Wokerati’ Are Really Eating in 2022

Former Home Secretary Suella Braverman lent on an out-of-date stereotype to brand progressives and protesters as “tofu-eaters.” Here are some on-trend alternatives for the next Tory through the revolving door

by Adam Coghlan
Conservative Party Conference - Day Three
Tofu
Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

Earlier this week the former Prime Minister’s former home secretary, Suella Braverman, levelled a hopelessly out-of-date snide at protestors and progressives, blaming disruption caused by “Just Stop Oil” climate activists on the so-called “Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati.” Loosely, this is a group Braverman’s predecessors on the right may once have referred to disparagingly as “champagne socialists.”

This is where Braverman is most at ease. Before taking a spot in the Truss administration, the MP for Fareham had served as Boris Johnson’s Attorney General — a politician who fetishises culture wars, wanted to criminalise protest, called the deportation of immigrants to Rwanda a “dream”, and recently suggested the reclassification of cannabis to Class A status.

Vittles editor, Jonathan Nunn has advertised his own consultancy services on the matter
Vittles editor, Jonathan Nunn has advertised his own consultancy services on the matter
Jonathan Nunn/Instagram

But she had little time to realise her vision of Britain. Braverman was the shortest-serving Home Secretary since 1834 when she resigned on Wednesday — a decision which came after she sent government documents from a personal email address. Now, in light of her former boss Liz Truss’s own resignation on Thursday, Braverman is said to be in line to run for the leadership herself.

So, just in case we’ve not yet seen the last of Braverman, below are 21 soy-free but equally dumb alternatives for this word-mincer to consider as she prepares herself for the salad shaker; snides very much fit for purpose in 2022.

  1. “caps lock-off coolea kids” —Adam Coghlan
  2. “Willy’s pie wavers” —Adam Coghlan
  3. “Was-last-seen-in-P-Franco-during-the-Will-Gleave-era-but-has-now-gravitated-to-the-Bake-St-Saturday-queue metropolitan elite” (and more, below right) —Jonathan Nunn
  4. “Lacto fermented liberal” —Nathalie Nelles
  5. “Butcher shop listening bar attendee” —Nathalie Nelles
  6. “conservas conspirators” —James Hansen
  7. “wildfarmed wokerati” —James Hansen
  8. “pet nat socialists” —James Hansen
  9. “Riverford Radicals”—Sean Wyer
  10. “Burrata Bourgeoisie” —Sean Wyer
  11. “Cold brew Corbynistas” —Sean Wyer
  12. “Ready Salted Starmerites” —Sean Wyer
  13. “the true proletariat are eating creme brûlée cookies” —Anna Sulan Masing
  14. “Cod’s roe anti-growth coalition” —George Reynolds
  15. “The Quorn Supremacy” —Emma Hughes
  16. “Gilda gobbling Guardianistas” —Feroz Gajia
  17. “Smash-burger stalinists” —Stephen Buranyi
  18. “Paté en croute progressives” —Apoorva Sripathi
  19. “[40] Maltby Street Marxists” —Apoorva Sripathi
  20. “Soupy shengjianbao socialists” —Apoorva Sripathi
  21. “Kombucha comrades” —Apoorva Sripathi

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