There’s a cardinal rule of Twitter in which no-one wants to be the “main character.” The main character can be a tweeter, or someone tweeted about, but it is rarely something tweeted about. At least, until now. Right now, Twitter’s main character is a sack of wet eggs found at Morrisons, the popular U.K. supermarket. But how did this come to pass? What is a “wet egg”? And why would a right-minded supermarket put multiple wet eggs in a sack?
Wonder no longer.
Where did the sack of wet eggs come from?
On 16 September 2020, Twitter user Strumpet (Sexy Trumpet), a.k.a. @TrumpetSexy, posted a photo of a supermarket aisle crammed with blue bags full of eggs, and a close up of one of the bags with the label clearly visible. The caption reads: “My local Morrison’s is selling actual sacks of wet eggs. This is the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed.” Now that we’ve exceeded the 150 word embed limit — come, you crawlers. That tend on mortal keywords, Index me here —, here’s the tweet in question:
My local Morrison’s is selling actual sacks of wet eggs. This is the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed pic.twitter.com/bghKxOUxXu— Strumpet (Sexy Trumpet) (@TrumpetSexy) September 16, 2020
Where did the sack of wet eggs come from?
Speaking literally, the sack of wet eggs came from Morrisons, a mid-tier U.K. supermarket headquartered in Bradford, in northern England, depending on whether you ask someone from Bradford or not. The identity of @TrumpetSexy’s local Morrisons is not known. Welcome to our American readers: It’s like Publix? Or Meijer? According to my colleagues.
Why does Morrisons supermarket have sacks of wet eggs?
It’s coronavirus’ fault, of course. Morrisons, like many supermarkets, used to offer a salad bar, but as part of COVID-19 food safety measures, it’s no longer in use. This leaves lots of hard-boiled eggs without a good home.
But why is Morrisons supermarket selling sacks of wet eggs?
Ethically: as a means of avoiding food waste. Practically: economical eggs. Philosophically: honestly, no idea whatsoever.
What is a wet egg?
It’s an egg which is wet, doofus.
What is a wet egg at Morrisons?
It appears to be an hard-boiled egg in some kind of preservative liquid, causing the eggs to float, and, consequently, become wet eggs. Its analogue, the “dry egg,” is also known as “an egg.”
Are there any key details about the sack of wet eggs on the label?
Yes, yes there are. The label shows that the sacks of wet eggs contain five wet eggs; that the wet eggs are boiled eggs; that the wet eggs that are boiled eggs contain egg; and, that at the time of tweeting, the wet eggs that are boiled eggs that contain egg are five days out of date.
Are there any key details about the sack of wet eggs on the label that are quite obviously untrue?
Yes, yes there are. There are more than five wet eggs in that sack of wet eggs.
Are there any key details about the sack of wet eggs in its environment?
Yes, yes there are. The first, establishing shot of the sack of wet eggs reveals that the sacks of wet eggs have been put into a pre-prepared sandwich aisle, meaning they are labelled as a “main.” The orange “snack” label, possibly disappointingly, is for the crisps below.
Why has this sack of wet eggs gone viral?
Have you said, out loud, the phrase “sack of wet eggs?” Also: in the middle of a pandemic, lots of people feel their mental state is round about “sack of wet eggs.” Also, to be clear, it’s a sack of wet eggs. Here are some of the best responses to the sack of wet eggs:
Hard to mentally prepare yourself for the phrase “sack of wet eggs” isn’t it https://t.co/aG2yERoSta— Tom Usher (@tom_usher_) September 17, 2020
When you've eaten a full sack of wet eggs. pic.twitter.com/kO0UfxDPFo— Llew (@llewcid) September 17, 2020
"Sack of wet eggs" is my now favourite new insult. https://t.co/A4sIpM2kxo— Hanna Ines Flint (@HannaFlint) September 17, 2020
Is there any precedent for this sack of wet eggs?
The actual sack of wet eggs appears fairly unprecedented, but its cursed, wretched form, unlikely large quantity, and deranged, sack of wet egg energy has a pretty good analog in art critic Jerry Saltz’s footwell, where he stores his unholy quantity of takeaway gas station coffee that keeps him running for a week at a time. It’s confirmed: sack of wet egg energy is real.
Commencing Day 16 Of Sheltering-in-Place. Coffee-run to gas-station complete. Eighteen large to-go. Put in car, drive them home, deloused, decontaminated, showered, and placed in fridge for use.— Jerry Saltz (@jerrysaltz) April 3, 2020
Stay safe out there, outlaws and creative-gypsies. pic.twitter.com/7M6RSVe56L