Some hangovers are so spirit-crushing that they render even the act of picking up cutlery nigh-on impossible. Step forwards the sabich at Temple Fortune legend Balady: an extremely sizeable pitta pocket loaded up with freshly fried aubergine, hard boiled eggs, hummus, chilli sauce and mango pickle. No knife or fork required, just a lot of napkins.

There’s never a bad time to visit Xi’an Impression — but the peak of a booze-induced existential crisis is an especially good one. And however crashing the headache, it’s always worth fighting through the match-day hordes in Holloway for generous, restorative plates including ‘skin cold’ noodles, pulled pork burger and Biangbiang noodles in an assortment of hot, sweet, piquant guises.

Loud music, massive flavours and an awful lot of offal: it’s kill or cure here. This isn’t the place to ease oneself gently back into the land of the living, but the hash browns, famous flatbreads and deep fried cherry pie were tailor made for absorbing the excesses of a big night (bonus: they do brunch too). Just don’t spend too long looking at the floor.

London’s favourite Malaysian Tamil restaurant’s phenomenal, flaky, fat-enriched roti canai, lentil curry and spicy noodle assemblies are all perfect for settling the stomach and the spirit. They’re now available in Victoria’s Market Hall too — good news for hangovers that began in south-east London, Brighton, or Kent.

The low lighting and soothing Nordic stylings at this Islington favourite are just the thing. Smokestak excels at meaty marvels: brisket buns with pickled chilli, pork belly rib and 30-day-dry-aged beef rib. The jacket potato with mustard rarebit and sticky toffee pudding with clotted cream ice cream feel like sympathy on a plate.

There are surprisingly few restaurants that better a home-cooked Sunday roast on a hangover. The sourcing of meat from one of Britain’s best butchers — Warren’s in Cornwall — together with enthusiastic portioning and solid trimmings make Blacklock’s one worth getting dressed for. During the week it’s central London’s finest chop house, too.

Head to one of Ealing’s finest restaurants for a deeply restorative bowls of miso butter corn ramen, or atsu-atsu udon, winningly accessorised with greaseless, generous tempura of prawn. Kiraku’s enduring popularity means it’s not one for a spontaneous hangover visit — plan for a sore head in advance and make a booking.

The bacon sandwich, a tried-and-true hangover cure, finds its fullest and most effective expression in Dishoom’s feted bacon naan. Also recommended: kejriwal (fried eggs on chilli-cheese toast), the double-carb vada pau and all of the biryanis.

Cold pizza may be the traditional hangover fixer, but one fresh out of the oven is far less punitive. Theo’s is one of the few places in Camberwell (along with Silk Road) that command a wait for a table at the weekend. It’s well worth the queue, even with a sore head and bleary eyes — especially for the Camberwell scotch bonnet ‘nduja or the wood oven aubergine.

The exemplary Kurdish mezze platters that thrilled Jay Rayner when he visited Nandine are also one of south London’s finest hangover cures, should said malady persist into the evening. Choose from a meaty version featuring tamarind meatballs, a vegetarian one with toothsome grilled halloumi or a vegan plate with baba ghanoush, all of which come plentifully supplemented with pillowy-fresh bread. 

Sweat it out and soak it up at this purveyor of Japanese soul food that makes clear the debt it owes to Brixton Village and Market Row. Look out for The Leopard, a rich chilli-sesame pork broth, burnt garlic oil, pork belly, Parmesan, and Scotch bonnet bamboo shoot, jerk pork katsu sandos and a hearty plantain katsu curry.